falling off the wagon

My "rough" weeks are becoming more and more frequent.  I could blame PMS or stress or whatever, but I think what it really comes down to is that I've lost weight so now I'm becoming complacent.  Which is what ALWAYS gets me into trouble.  I hit a goal and I think: 

"Oh I'm cured! I can eat what I want and I'll stay this weight! I've cured myself of fatness."

Sadly, it doesn't work this way.  God I wish it did though.  Wouldn't that be wonderful?  I'm trying to refocus myself on my diet and walking during my lunches. I'm trying to get my discipline back in check.  It's just so hard to be good all the time.  I know I can do this, but I find myself some days asking:

"Do I even really care anymore?  What's the point?"

Its so easy to slide, when life gets busy.  You tell yourself that it's different this time, that you can handle it this time; but these are just rationalizations.  If there's one thing all humans are absolute experts at, it's rationalizing.  Things like: I can't walk today at lunch because it's raining/too hot/too windy/I'm too busy; Or I can eat this even though I know I shouldn't because I've been really good lately/I'm really hungry/it's just this once.  Sometimes the slip really is warranted, but when you are playing lawyer with yourself you know you're in trouble.   One of my favorite book series ever has a really good line.  It's something like "I know I'm about to do something I'll regret when I start a sentence with 'I'd never do this, but...' or 'I shouldn't do this, but...'"  It's that "but" that should serve as the alarm.  Drop the conjunction and you have the decision made.  So yeah, that's where I am right now.  It's not the best place, but it's a place.  I'm glad I was able to see this happening and now that I have I can take steps to correct my path.

In other news, Jacob and I went to a corporate event at a Pirates game this weekend where the beer was free.  We had some.  First drink in 6 weeks.  It was good and I enjoyed it, but now it's back to business as usual.