weekend workouts

in

Generally speaking (actually literally speaking) we don't work out on the weekends.  Our weekends are sacred to us as a time to relax and do with our time exactly what we want since we don't have our jobs making any demands on us.  Obviously there's things that have to be done every weekend, like laundry and grocery shopping, but those are such minor things that are part of the fabric of weekend life.  Generally this means that we don't do much in the way of physical activity, which we are normally A-OK with.  This weekend was different.  We helped one of Jacob's friend's move and it was HELL.  I'm still sore.  Doesn't help that I fell, because that's my life.

I feel like a little kid again!! Also, enjoy my pasty legs :)

I feel like a little kid again!! Also, enjoy my pasty legs :)

I'd forgotten how much skinned knees hurt!! I don't know how little kids do it.  I don't know how I did it when I was little.  I know I had skinned knees a lot, but I don't remember it slowing me down.  I think at 32 I'm not officially too old to help people move.  From now on, I'm just going to give cash so they can hire movers. On the plus side, I definitely got my workout in this weekend; on the down side, tonight's workout is going to hurt even more than usual.

plateau... still.

in

This weekend was my birthday, or as I called it this year: Carb-Fest.  I set out with the express intention to eat nothing but delicious starchy goodness for 3 days straight.  It was a great plan!  Started out strong, with donuts on Friday morning but after I'd eaten like... a dozen blueberry munchkins (scientifically the best donut) I lost interest.  After being off simple carbs for 6mos I just don't have a taste for them like I used to. By lunch on Friday all I wanted was protein.  Goes to show you that sugar really is an addiction.  Once you break the addiction it becomes clear just how unnecessary simple carbs are.  I did enjoy my donuts, and the amazing lemon bars that my wonderful co-worker made for me; but I was able to enjoy them from a place of actual appreciation as opposed to satisfying a craving.

Weight-wise I'm still stuck on this plateau.  Its frustrating but I guess I'm glad that the number isn't going up.  I continue to eat my "food" bars and take my lunch time walks in addition to working out in the evenings.  Since we've added the wrist weights to our routine I can really see my shoulders becoming more muscular, so that's cool.

Still Stuck

in

Here I am, still stuck on this plateau.  It's getting boring, but at least the number isn't going up I suppose.  My diet is so boring that I find myself not wanting to eat even though I'm hungry.  I end up having staring contests with my food bars for hours before they end up winning.  I feel better after I eat, I perk back up for a little while which is good because I'm usually so low on energy that the thought of chewing makes me want to lay down.  Well, that's where I am.

Jacob took my title.

in

Jacob and I seem to both be stuck in a plateau.  I know that they happen but I didn't think I'd hit one so soon!! I've been stuck bouncing around the same 2-3 lb window for about a month and it's so effing frustrating!! I stick to the diet and I work out and that damn number continues to mock me.   I'm trying to research ways to break it so if any of you internet people have any tips please let me know.  I'm pretty desperate.  I'm trying to stay focused on how much progress I've made so far and not the lack of progress I'm making right now. It's hard to not get discouraged.  Jacob has been wonderful though, always reminding me of the good that this work is doing even if it isn't showing in the scale.

In other news, I pulled a muscle in my calf again last night.  I stretched and took it slow and everything, but still it pulled.  This weekend will be filled with heat therapy, muscle rollers and rest.  At least it pulled on Thursday and not Monday I suppose.

Milestones

in

I saw my Primary Care this week, she was very excited about my progress. I got the feeling that it's not often that she'll tell someone that they need to prioritize weight loss and actually have them do it.  I'm down 16 lbs since January, and I've lost 6 lbs in the last month.  Only 4 lbs to go until I hit my first goal (10% loss).  In the past month I've been averaging a little over 1 lb lost each week which is high, but maintainable.  It was very affirming to hear her say that I was doing this in a way that I'll be able to maintain the lifestyle long term.  

She was very happy with my cholesterol levels which have really improved, and she even took me off of one of my blood pressure medicines!  The goal is to get me off of them completely, since most likely my high blood pressure is weight related.  Hearing that affirmation from my doctor really helped to give me the boost to stay focused on my path despite how tired and bored I've become with my current diet regime.

Now that I'm so close to my first goal, I need to start thinking about where I want to end up long term.  I'd love to get my weight down to 140-130 mark but that's nearly 30% weight loss which is HUGE and possibly not something that I'd be able to maintain in the long term.  I think after getting to 10% my next goal will be another 5%.  That would have me down at 160, 30 lbs from where I started.  I'm afraid of setting a goal too large and getting discouraged when I'm not able to achieve it or see real progress in a time frame that will satisfy my impatience.  Goals are good, but that have to be attainable to be worth anything.

weight chart.jpg

falling off the wagon

in

My "rough" weeks are becoming more and more frequent.  I could blame PMS or stress or whatever, but I think what it really comes down to is that I've lost weight so now I'm becoming complacent.  Which is what ALWAYS gets me into trouble.  I hit a goal and I think: 

"Oh I'm cured! I can eat what I want and I'll stay this weight! I've cured myself of fatness."

Sadly, it doesn't work this way.  God I wish it did though.  Wouldn't that be wonderful?  I'm trying to refocus myself on my diet and walking during my lunches. I'm trying to get my discipline back in check.  It's just so hard to be good all the time.  I know I can do this, but I find myself some days asking:

"Do I even really care anymore?  What's the point?"

Its so easy to slide, when life gets busy.  You tell yourself that it's different this time, that you can handle it this time; but these are just rationalizations.  If there's one thing all humans are absolute experts at, it's rationalizing.  Things like: I can't walk today at lunch because it's raining/too hot/too windy/I'm too busy; Or I can eat this even though I know I shouldn't because I've been really good lately/I'm really hungry/it's just this once.  Sometimes the slip really is warranted, but when you are playing lawyer with yourself you know you're in trouble.   One of my favorite book series ever has a really good line.  It's something like "I know I'm about to do something I'll regret when I start a sentence with 'I'd never do this, but...' or 'I shouldn't do this, but...'"  It's that "but" that should serve as the alarm.  Drop the conjunction and you have the decision made.  So yeah, that's where I am right now.  It's not the best place, but it's a place.  I'm glad I was able to see this happening and now that I have I can take steps to correct my path.

In other news, Jacob and I went to a corporate event at a Pirates game this weekend where the beer was free.  We had some.  First drink in 6 weeks.  It was good and I enjoyed it, but now it's back to business as usual.  

New Record!

in

This week is a big week for records.  I've hit a new low in my weight loss, and today will mark 5 weeks without missing a workout.  I've not been this consistent since high school when I was on my swim team.  This consistency is obviously paying off (dammit), the weight continues to come off and my endurance is improving.  I've been slacking with my at home PT for my shoulder, I'm just so tired after I finish our workouts that all I can muster is getting myself back upstairs for a shower; but these are just excuses.  I'll have to start doing better.

As far as the weight loss goes I'm down 16lbs!!  This is the most successful I've ever been in a healthy weight loss attempt and I'm pretty excited.  This week has been much easier as far as sticking to the diet, and I'm not feeling as worn down as I was last week so all in all I'm calling it a win.

I really hope that I'm able to keep this trend going.  Getting to a 10% weight loss will be a huge accomplishment for me.  I've been walking at lunches and trying to improve my mile pace.  I give myself 30 min and try to get as far as I can.  My pace has improved quite a bit since I started 23"11' down to 18"10' in a little less than a month.  I'm going to need to start bringing a change of clothes to walk in so I don't get too stinky for the rest of the day and maybe just get a gym membership here at work so I can walk while its raining as it's wont to do so often here.

Well, that's all I have for now. I hope that everyone who's following along with their own attempt is doing just as well as I am.

Body Language

in

Last night was my most pathetic work out to date.  It took every last ounce of strength I had to not quit in the middle of it and lay down on the floor of our basement.  Jacob can attest to how sad my performance was.  Nonetheless I finished the workout.  Later that evening I spent some serious time in the bathroom; it wasn't fun at all.  Looking back my upset tummy may have been why my workout was so terrible.  Perhaps my fatigue and weakness was my body trying to tell me that something was wrong.  Its so hard to draw the line between "I don't feel super awesome but I can push through this workout," versus "My body is trying to tell me something is awry and I need to listen to it."  So often (read: all the time) I'm exhausted.  If I skipped a workout every time I was tired, I'd literally never work out.  That's a whole 'nother issue though that I'm currently exploring.

On another subject I'd like to plug a product that i really really enjoy.  You may not know this, but I'm an ice cream addict.  I LOVE it and I will go out of my way to obtain it.  To that end it's the single treat I've missed the most since being on my diet.  Up until now I've used ice cream as a cheat meal that I would have on very rare occasions.  Then I found Halo Top.  This stuff is seriously good.  Its low on calories and carbs, but somehow (probably because of magic) tastes like real ice cream.  The only real difference between Halo Top and traditional ice cream is that its texture is lighter and fluffier than the traditional stuff, which can be so dense that it will bend your spoon.  My only complaint is regards to Halo Top is that pacing yourself when you're eating it is basically impossible.  How am I expected to stop at a single serving when I can eat the whole pint and it only has the same amount of calories as traditional ice cream.

DISCLAIMER: All opinions expressed here are my own, and I'm not being compensated in anyway for writing this review.

Kevetching.

in

Since being on this diet I've had to change my entire attitude towards food.  This isn't a bad thing, my relationship with food was really unhealthy... I basically used it as a drug.  I'd eat when I was sad, I'd eat when I was happy, I'd eat when I was bored.  Basically the only time I wasn't eating was when I was asleep.  Looking back it's no mystery how I ballooned up to the size I am now.  I have a much healthier attitude towards food now.  However as just about anyone will tell you, keeping track of your food is key to dieting.  This way you can't lie to yourself about how much or what you've eaten.  Luckily we live in a time when we all carry around the internet in our pockets so it's easier than ever to keep track of what you eat and what the nutritional value is.  Despite all this I HATE logging my food.  Since I've adopted this healthier attitude towards my food eating has gone from a weird human function to actively stressful.  

It's not so bad when my food has a barcode, but when you cook or go out to eat it becomes this weird guessing game/science experiment/puzzle.  If you're eating at home you can weigh your portions and get a good idea of how much exactly you're eating, or use a measuring cup.  However if you're eating out it's a whole 'nother game.  How much are you getting?  How much is considered a portion?  Is 1 chicken wing a serving, or is a serving the whole thing?  Generally I get so frustrated with it that I just guess and hope for the best, I generally try to over estimate so I know I'm covered.  But this whole food logging thing just adds another layer of complication to what should just be a meal.

Anyways, the workout last night was cardio abs.  The hardest one we do.  I didn't puke after I finished but it was really close.  After we were finished Jacob had the audacity to say that "he's not sure that workout is hard enough"....  I just know he's going to ratchet up the difficulty on it soon.  Which is good because, ya know, exercise and weight loss.  I'm just not sure I'll be able to survive.

Here's my weight chart:

The weight continues to come off, slowly... Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a patient person.  I'm so tempted to go to extreme measures to try to lose more quickly, but I know doing that isn't maintainable in the long run and unhealthy in the extreme.

Stay motivated people, and kevetch when you need to.  It helps.

Dispelling Misconceptions

in

I saw my endocrinologist yesterday.  My second visit with him, and it was much more productive than my first one.  In my first appointment with him we mostly just discussed current symptoms and possible diagnosis, however this visit we actually had test results so we were able to actually discuss what I'm trying to do in this "getting healthy" thing I'm trying to do.  Here's what I learned:

Your weight is best thought of as a spring attached to a ceiling.  The point at which the spring is attached is your max weight or starting point.  As we reach a new max weight that point is ratcheted up further and it doesn't ever come down.  Now imagine that you are standing under that spring and pulling it down is you losing weight.  Pulling that spring down at first won't be too difficult, but the further down you try to pull the spring the harder its going to be not only to get it down to that point, but to keep it there.  You ever noticed how at first the weight comes off easily and quickly, then it slows down and gets harder and harder?  Pulling that spring down and holding it there by 5% is going to be a lot easier than 10%, so on and so forth. 

With this analogy in mind it makes it easy to see notions such as BMI, height/weight ratio, and dropping your weight by 50% as the bullshit that they are.  In the obesity medicine community 5% sustained weight loss is considered successful weight loss, and 10% sustained loss greatly reduces health risks associated to obesity (such as diabetes and heart disease).  10% is about the most maintained weight loss that most of the population can reliably keep off.  Medical intervention (bariatric surgery, medication, etc.) can and will get people below that 10% point, but the average for these is 20-25% sustained loss; and even then the majority of participants will see their weight increase back to that 10% loss point.  None of this should be discouraging, in fact it should be encouraging.  Weight loss should be about getting healthy, first and foremost.  So what if you don't have a six pack or a 28" waist? You've brought your weight down by 10% vastly reducing your risk of obesity related disease.  Anyone who says that isn't good enough because you don't conform to the visual ideal of what successful weight loss is can fuck off.

I know most people have heard that BMI is bullshit, and it is. It was created as a mathematical way to gauge insurance rates, turning people into numbers that can be quantified.  Height/weight ratio is just an extension of that.  I can't speak to men, as I'm not one, but when it comes to women it's pretty easy to see how these ratios and indices can't be trusted.  Using me for example:  I'm 5'2" and I weigh 177.  That puts me at a BMI of 32.  If you compare me to another woman who is 5'2" and 177 we'd look identical on paper.  Now, say that woman has A cup breasts while I have an F cup; now there's a very apparent difference between the two of us, but if you're just looking at BMI or height/weight ratio you'd never know.  All I'm trying to say here is that these systems are detrimental and shouldn't be used as a gauge for weight related health.

Well, moving on: here's my weekly personal update.

I reached a new low this week! I feel pretty good about it, but I'm tweaking my routine a bit.  For breakfast and lunch I'll be eating a meal replacement bar (previously I was only eating them for lunch), and weather permitting I'm going to start walking at lunches.  I hope to see an increase in the rate of my weight loss with these changes.

Feed the Soul

in

Yesterday my day looked like this: 

So much yard work..  

So much yard work..  

So obviously I deserved a treat. The hardest thing about this diet and "get fit" thing I'm trying to do is to change my attitude towards food.  Previously a "treat" would have been a big bowl of pasta followed by ice cream, aka a diet killer.  However last night I treated myself with a steak and a salad. The treat came in the form of a loaded baked potato. Celebratory potato.  It was delicious.  Not 100% diet friendly, but like my doctor told me sometimes you have to feed the soul.  Things that aren't diet friendly can still be enjoyed, just in limited quantities.  Besides, what fun is life if you don't get to have your favorite things from time to time. 

Did you miss me? #SDCC

in

So life continues to be life.  Last week was a completely lost cause.  Jacob was in LA on a business trip and I sulked around the house while he was gone.  No working out happened, though I did mow the lawn and it took forever so I'm counting that as a successful workout.  Its the little things.  He got back at like 230AM Friday and then I spent Friday night in a sleep lab and left for Texas that weekend to say good bye to my little sis who's shipping out to Norfolk, VA.  Needless to say, last week was a long one.  However, as you've read; Jacob got us tickets to SDCC!! This will be my 6th time going and I'm pretty pumped.  On the other hand, Jacob noticed that from the date we bought the tickets we had 100 days until the show... hence the 100 day project.  We're 3 workouts in and although I know it's a good thing that we're doing and I'll be so glad (and my doctors will be too) that I've done it, I can't help but dread it every day after work.

I spend all day putting my brain through the grinder to get home and do the same with my body.  Its so tiring! Not to mention all the other home things (dishes, laundry, guinea pig maintenance, etc.) that has to get done on a daily basis I just don't know, those fit moms do it.  I swear they must get some kind of super power infusion while they're in the delivery room.  If that's not what happens, don't tell me... that will just further discourage me from not wanting children.

Anywho... here's my weight chart.  You can tell I've not been working out.

Weight Update and Priorities

in

Things have been difficult to keep consistent recently.  Work has been crazy busy lately and I've been having to stay late more and more often which has made it harder to stay consistent with working out.  This week though Jacob and I have made a real effort to get the work out done regardless of what else we've had going on.  I think you can tell in my weight chart.  

Sometimes it's just not meant to be.

in

Remember how I said in my last post that I thought I'd pulled a muscle in my calf?  Well I'd taken it really really easy that week, and this Monday my calf was feeling much better.  I was all excited to get back to working out on Monday and not even 10 minutes into our plyometric heavy workout I feel the pop and seize again and down I go.  Joy.

Now that I'm in PT for my shoulder I went ahead and used the opportunity to talk to my therapist about this just to see exactly what it is and make sure I haven't done anything permanent too it.  Good news, I didn't pull it.  Bad news, my therapist (who is the sweetest girl ever) said that I have an incredibly angry muscle.  There's a knot in my calf about the size of my fist (and a somewhat smaller one in the other calf), and she advised that I stop all plyometric movements until I can get these (essentially) permanent charlie horses in my calves to release.  So I've not worked out (aside from my PT) since Monday, and I've spent a lot of time with my heating pad wrapped around my calf.  The knots have become less painful and a little more pliable, but they are definitely still there.  I hope that I'll be able to start working out again soon, but knowing me I'll get impatient and push too hard too early and be right back where I am now.  In the mean time I'm focusing more on my diet, which has been going well.

I've lost about 15lbs so far and I continue to feel better.  I spoke with one of my doctors yesterday about how since I've cut simple carbohydrates out of my diet I've noticed that my appetite in general has really gone down. I asked if this was a placebo effect or if there was something actually happening there.  He told me that since I'm not spiking and crashing my blood sugar over and over throughout the day that my body is at a much steadier pace and I'm able to better feel my bodies energy needs, as opposed to constantly trying to balance my blood sugar out.  I feel like I should have guessed that.  It seems like a pretty obvious effect of not eating simple sugars.  So anyone out there thinking about kicking the sugar habit, it sucks at first... a lot; but once you give yourself enough time to get equalized you really do feel better.  Less cravings, and a much steadier level of energy.

On the PT front, my sessions continue to hurt like hell. We continue to focus on retraining muscles that haven't been used correctly in decades.  My external rotator muscles are so incredibly weak that I can only do the bare minimum on exercises.  My therapist said that its unusual in that most people don't have the issues in the places where I do, but it makes sense given that I was a swimmer for so long and during the years of my life where I went through all my growing and hormonal changes.  Posture continues to be one of the most important things for me to practice and improve upon, which has been hard because my shoulder blades really don't like to sit where they're supposed to sit.  Instead they like to fall down.

Well I'm just rambling now.... TL;DR talk to your doctor if something hurts, posture is important.

It's never easy...

in

I started physical therapy this week.  I'd forgotten just how much it freaking hurts.

I've had trouble with my shoulders since high school.  I was a competitive swimmer for 9 years, I started when I was 8 and went without a break until I graduated high school.  I loved swimming, I loved competing, and I loved being part of a team.  I was never especially good, but I was good enough to be on the high school's varsity team all 4 years.  When I was a sophomore I started experiencing shoulder pain during workouts, it felt like someone was driving nails through my shoulder joint.  This being the early '00s before we as a society had really dedicated much into studying sports related injuries I just pushed through it (thanks to my coach not letting me taking it easy).  I went to an ortho once to tell them that it hurt, they gave me a cortisone shot and told me to start doing PT.  I did the PT multiple times a week, but all the while I was working out just as hard as I ever was; effectively nulling any progress that the PT made on healing my shoulder.

Fast forward to now, I haven't swam for fitness in well over a decade.  I told myself it was because I didn't have access/time to dedicate myself to it, although I have tried a couple of times and always had to stop after a few weeks due to shoulder pain.  After moving to Pittsburgh I got my very first job where I'm required to sit at a desk all day, and surprise surprise it's started doing a number on my shoulder.

It started as what felt like a muscle knot over my right shoulder blade.  Jacob says that he can see it and it's about the size of a small orange (dayum!). So I saw a chiropractor (read: voodoo doctor) for a while and they tried to use stim therapy to get the knot to release but it did nothing but cost me a co-pay twice a week.  I've had regular massage for about a year now and that hasn't moved it either, so I finally mentioned it to my primary care doctor (who is amazing) and she prescribed PT.

I saw the PT for the first time this past Tuesday and she was immediately able to tell me what was going on.  My right shoulder has "swimmer's shoulder".  Which is where, due to all the swimming I did, as caused the capsule that holds the shoulder joint in place has become incredibly loose allowing my right shoulder to become a "trick" joint.  It flops around and just has not stability at all, I have about 120 degrees of backwards rotation in the joint.  Combine that with my desk job, the shoulder flops forward pulling my posture forward putting a large amount of strain and impingement on my biceps tendon.  This has also caused the large muscle knot in my back, and the neck pain I've been dealing with.

They've set out to train my muscles to compensate for my poor shoulder stability and increase the coordination in those muscles, and also to strengthen/train my posture muscles so I .  It hurts like a real bitch since I've basically not used those muscles in years.  

Moral of the story: If it hurts mention it to your doctor. They get really annoyed when you tell them that you've just been "dealing" with the discomfort.  Also listen to Jacob when he gives advice, because he's right an annoying amount of the time.

Kelly's Weekly Update

in

Kelly's Weight Report

Hey everyone, here's my least favorite part of every week! The part where I tell you how much I weigh.  I've had a pretty good week in terms of weight loss: 3.5lbs down!  I'm pretty happy with that although the id part of my brain keeps saying that I've been on this diet for 2 months now, I should be down more than 12.6lbs.  Then the sane part of my brain takes over and reminds me that Rome wasn't built in a day, and I have a very long way to go.

The diet is still an adjustment,  I still miss all my favorite carbs (I'm looking at you, potatoes), but it's getting easier.  I've noticed since I've cut simple carbohydrates from my diet I'm not able to eat nearly as much as I used to.  I'm not sure if that's a side effect of lessening my sugar intake or if it's just placebo on my part but it's been interesting to experience.  I've also had a much more consistent energy level, as well as an easier time focusing at work and at home.   I've also cut way way back on alcohol intake for about a month now, so hopefully that will contribute to the goal as well.

Workouts are still really hard and I get winded faster than I'd like, but I keep doing them thanks to lots of prodding and encouragement from Jacob. I pulled a muscle in my calf 2 weeks back, and it's the first time I've ever pulled a muscle.  Now I understand why athletes take so much time off due to them, it freaking HURTS.

So that's about it as far as updates go for me.  I know I'm probably shouting into the void here, but in the event that someone is listening I hope this is encouraging.  If I can lose weight, then there's hope for everyone.

Hi, my name is Kelly

in

Hi everyone! Jacob is letting me post here because he's not the only one on this nerdfit journey.  I'm his wife, Kelly.   Over the past year I've started having various health issues like high blood pressure and constant fatigue.  I've seen many doctors about what's going on, but I'm pretty sure the reason for these symptoms, a long with my others, is pretty simple: I'm fat. 

I've deluded myself for a long time about it.  I lied to myself about how much and what I eat, how much I drink, and blamed my tightening clothes on the dryer shrinking them and the inconsistency in clothing sizes.  Ya know, the usual rationalizations.  However, a trip to the endocrinologist snapped me out of my delusions when he was wonderfully blunt and just said: "you need to prioritize weight loss in your life, or things are going to keep getting worse".  This was in late December 2016 and I'd weighed in at 190 with a 41" waist.  This is completely unacceptable for someone who is 5'2".  Dr. Rometo gave me some pamphlets on medically supervised weight loss programs (that was a shocking thing to receive) along with information on glycemic index, he also suggested joining weight watchers for increased accountability.  

The weight gain hasn't been a sudden one, and all of it has been my fault.  Here's a picture of me in 2006, it's the oldest one I could find.  This is when the weight gain started.  I was in college and I'd just turned 21.  I'd been a competitive swimmer for 9 years but I'd quit due to shoulder injuries and my university not having a swim team.  My boyfriend of 4 years had just dumped me and I was about to fall into a very deep depression.  These were the circumstances around my weight gain, I'm not trying to say that I was blameless, I just feel the story is important.

It wasn't just my weight that was effected here, due to the depression I allowed myself to fall into some very very bad habits.  Even though I wasn't on an athletic team anymore to this point I'd been working out and joined various intramural clubs that kept me active and social.  I was part of Tae Kwon Do and a regular at the campus gym before the depression set in.  After the depression however, all of that ended.  I started playing World of Warcraft and allowed myself to get completely sucked in.  It became my surrogate life where I was actually able to feel in control and forget about the fact that I was so unhappy in my life outside. Now, there's nothing inherently bad or life ruining about this game, I play it now and i enjoy it; but at the time I allowed it to become an addiction.  I played 12 hours a day at least. I nearly failed out of college, stopped taking care of myself, and I developed a habit of binge eating while sitting on my computer.  With the binge eating I also started to purge, thus... bulimia became a part of my life, again.

Now, the bulimia didn't start in college.  That actually started in high school, but it was a very small thing that I did as a part of an attempt to lose weight for, of all stupid things, prom.  However, coupled with the depression and self loathing the bulimia consumed me.  For about 5 years I binged and purged daily.  A trip to the dentist in 2010 snapped me back to reality when it came to how much damage I was doing to myself.  I had 16 (SIXTEEN) cavities in my mouth caused by all the acid erosion.  It was thousands of dollars to repair.  This snapped me (mostly) out of the purging. Its something I struggled with for years, and I still sometimes feel the urge; but my eating habits didn't change.  Binge eating just became my normal.

My weight held steady between 150 and 170 for a long time.  Mostly because my jobs kept me on my feet (working as a lab tech) and I met Jacob who's been a good influence on me when it came to working out, but my diet has never ever been something I thought about.  I ate whatever I wanted in whatever quantity I wanted.  Though, in 2014  we moved to Pittsburgh and I got my first desk job and predictably, my weight ballooned.  Here's what I look like now. This is my starting place and my work is cut out for me.  

My diet has changed dramatically.  I've cut out all alcohol and simple carbs.  Focusing on eating foods that have a low glycemic index.  I've lost about 8-10lbs so far and the weight continues to come off slowly.  Right now I'm frustrated with how slowly this is going, but I have to keep telling myself that it's a long road and Rome wasn't built in a day.