plateau... still.

This weekend was my birthday, or as I called it this year: Carb-Fest.  I set out with the express intention to eat nothing but delicious starchy goodness for 3 days straight.  It was a great plan!  Started out strong, with donuts on Friday morning but after I'd eaten like... a dozen blueberry munchkins (scientifically the best donut) I lost interest.  After being off simple carbs for 6mos I just don't have a taste for them like I used to. By lunch on Friday all I wanted was protein.  Goes to show you that sugar really is an addiction.  Once you break the addiction it becomes clear just how unnecessary simple carbs are.  I did enjoy my donuts, and the amazing lemon bars that my wonderful co-worker made for me; but I was able to enjoy them from a place of actual appreciation as opposed to satisfying a craving.

Weight-wise I'm still stuck on this plateau.  Its frustrating but I guess I'm glad that the number isn't going up.  I continue to eat my "food" bars and take my lunch time walks in addition to working out in the evenings.  Since we've added the wrist weights to our routine I can really see my shoulders becoming more muscular, so that's cool.

falling off the wagon

My "rough" weeks are becoming more and more frequent.  I could blame PMS or stress or whatever, but I think what it really comes down to is that I've lost weight so now I'm becoming complacent.  Which is what ALWAYS gets me into trouble.  I hit a goal and I think: 

"Oh I'm cured! I can eat what I want and I'll stay this weight! I've cured myself of fatness."

Sadly, it doesn't work this way.  God I wish it did though.  Wouldn't that be wonderful?  I'm trying to refocus myself on my diet and walking during my lunches. I'm trying to get my discipline back in check.  It's just so hard to be good all the time.  I know I can do this, but I find myself some days asking:

"Do I even really care anymore?  What's the point?"

Its so easy to slide, when life gets busy.  You tell yourself that it's different this time, that you can handle it this time; but these are just rationalizations.  If there's one thing all humans are absolute experts at, it's rationalizing.  Things like: I can't walk today at lunch because it's raining/too hot/too windy/I'm too busy; Or I can eat this even though I know I shouldn't because I've been really good lately/I'm really hungry/it's just this once.  Sometimes the slip really is warranted, but when you are playing lawyer with yourself you know you're in trouble.   One of my favorite book series ever has a really good line.  It's something like "I know I'm about to do something I'll regret when I start a sentence with 'I'd never do this, but...' or 'I shouldn't do this, but...'"  It's that "but" that should serve as the alarm.  Drop the conjunction and you have the decision made.  So yeah, that's where I am right now.  It's not the best place, but it's a place.  I'm glad I was able to see this happening and now that I have I can take steps to correct my path.

In other news, Jacob and I went to a corporate event at a Pirates game this weekend where the beer was free.  We had some.  First drink in 6 weeks.  It was good and I enjoyed it, but now it's back to business as usual.  

Body Language

Last night was my most pathetic work out to date.  It took every last ounce of strength I had to not quit in the middle of it and lay down on the floor of our basement.  Jacob can attest to how sad my performance was.  Nonetheless I finished the workout.  Later that evening I spent some serious time in the bathroom; it wasn't fun at all.  Looking back my upset tummy may have been why my workout was so terrible.  Perhaps my fatigue and weakness was my body trying to tell me that something was wrong.  Its so hard to draw the line between "I don't feel super awesome but I can push through this workout," versus "My body is trying to tell me something is awry and I need to listen to it."  So often (read: all the time) I'm exhausted.  If I skipped a workout every time I was tired, I'd literally never work out.  That's a whole 'nother issue though that I'm currently exploring.

On another subject I'd like to plug a product that i really really enjoy.  You may not know this, but I'm an ice cream addict.  I LOVE it and I will go out of my way to obtain it.  To that end it's the single treat I've missed the most since being on my diet.  Up until now I've used ice cream as a cheat meal that I would have on very rare occasions.  Then I found Halo Top.  This stuff is seriously good.  Its low on calories and carbs, but somehow (probably because of magic) tastes like real ice cream.  The only real difference between Halo Top and traditional ice cream is that its texture is lighter and fluffier than the traditional stuff, which can be so dense that it will bend your spoon.  My only complaint is regards to Halo Top is that pacing yourself when you're eating it is basically impossible.  How am I expected to stop at a single serving when I can eat the whole pint and it only has the same amount of calories as traditional ice cream.

DISCLAIMER: All opinions expressed here are my own, and I'm not being compensated in anyway for writing this review.

Kevetching.

Since being on this diet I've had to change my entire attitude towards food.  This isn't a bad thing, my relationship with food was really unhealthy... I basically used it as a drug.  I'd eat when I was sad, I'd eat when I was happy, I'd eat when I was bored.  Basically the only time I wasn't eating was when I was asleep.  Looking back it's no mystery how I ballooned up to the size I am now.  I have a much healthier attitude towards food now.  However as just about anyone will tell you, keeping track of your food is key to dieting.  This way you can't lie to yourself about how much or what you've eaten.  Luckily we live in a time when we all carry around the internet in our pockets so it's easier than ever to keep track of what you eat and what the nutritional value is.  Despite all this I HATE logging my food.  Since I've adopted this healthier attitude towards my food eating has gone from a weird human function to actively stressful.  

It's not so bad when my food has a barcode, but when you cook or go out to eat it becomes this weird guessing game/science experiment/puzzle.  If you're eating at home you can weigh your portions and get a good idea of how much exactly you're eating, or use a measuring cup.  However if you're eating out it's a whole 'nother game.  How much are you getting?  How much is considered a portion?  Is 1 chicken wing a serving, or is a serving the whole thing?  Generally I get so frustrated with it that I just guess and hope for the best, I generally try to over estimate so I know I'm covered.  But this whole food logging thing just adds another layer of complication to what should just be a meal.

Anyways, the workout last night was cardio abs.  The hardest one we do.  I didn't puke after I finished but it was really close.  After we were finished Jacob had the audacity to say that "he's not sure that workout is hard enough"....  I just know he's going to ratchet up the difficulty on it soon.  Which is good because, ya know, exercise and weight loss.  I'm just not sure I'll be able to survive.

Here's my weight chart:

The weight continues to come off, slowly... Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a patient person.  I'm so tempted to go to extreme measures to try to lose more quickly, but I know doing that isn't maintainable in the long run and unhealthy in the extreme.

Stay motivated people, and kevetch when you need to.  It helps.